Pigalinas Watching TV

Episode one of The Goldbergs. Mr Pigalina tries to work out who the narrator is:

Mr Pigalina: “Fat one…90210…”
Pigalina: “Erm, Ian Ziering?….”
MP: “No”
P (thinking of any 90s TV show – which by the way she was not allowed to watch due to Mummy Pigalina’s strict TV policy – if it looked like fornication then Pigalina was not watching it! (This included sitcom Friends)): “Party of Five?… Dawson’s Creek?…”
MP: “Noooo, looks like they live in a Hollywood hotel, except it’s not a hotel.”
P: “Melrose Place!”
MP: “YES!”
P: “Desperate Housewives? [Brie] Heather Locklear?”. (We were trying to guess a man so who knows what’s going on here?…)
MP: “No, not Brie, not Heather Locklear, Melrose Place!”
P: “I never watched Melrose Place!”
MP: “OK, so in this (The Goldbergs) they are using the same house they used on Alf.”
P: “Did they?!”
MP: “I dunno, probably. So you’ve got the fat one, married to hot one off Melrose Place.”
P: “She (mum off Goldbergs)’s not off Melrose Place!”
MP: “No, that’s what I’m trying to think of! That show…”
P: “So not what we’re watching?”
MP: “Noooo, irrelevant – In Melrose Place she’s dating baby face guy…I think his name was Shaun…”
P: [Illegible]
MP: “No, think of a show in the Alf house, probably the same house as Tim Allen – not “Tool Time”. Y’know, help me out.”
P: “OK. Alf.”
MP: “So, they’re off a show where we’ve always said the guy that looks like he’s from Blues Brothers would never be married to that lady…”
P: “According to Jim!”
MP: “The brother!”
P: “The blonde one!”
MP: “Yeah, fat blonde one. Sounds like him…”
P: “I’m gonna IMDB it.”
MP: “DO IT!”
P: “Narrator!… Patton Oswalt…”
MP: “I dunno who that is!”
P: “Umm…”
MP: “Show me a pic… Not the guy I was thinking of.”

A Typical Pigalina Household Interaction.

Movie starts – “The Expendables”

Mr Pigalina “Oh, this has got your mate in it.  Your favourite.”

Pause movie, 2 seconds in.

Pigalina “Statham?”

MP “No, the other one.”

P “Stallone?”

MP “No, the other one.

P “Arnold?!”

MP “The other one.”

P “Dolph Lundgren?!”

MP “Oh, no, I’m thinking of the other movie where they ride motorbikes.”

P “Wha? Oh, Travolta!  That’s Old Dogs…Wild Hogs…”

MP “Yeah.  No.”

P “Chris Rock?!” [Oops, sorry Martin Lawrence]

MP “No.”

P (now throwing any name into the mix) “Fat one from Full Monty!?”

MP “No.”

P “Well who is it then? What does he look like if you don’t know his name?”

MP “He’s always got a moustache.”

P “Tom Selleck!”

MP “No.  Desperate Housewives husband.”

P “Carlos??”

MP “No, he’s not in it.  His wife is in it.”

P “I can’t think of any that are married.”

MP “He always looks old.”

P “WILLIAM H. MACY!”

MP “Yeah, your mate.  Let’s watch something else, this looks too serious for this time of night.”