Pigalinas Watching TV

Episode one of The Goldbergs. Mr Pigalina tries to work out who the narrator is:

Mr Pigalina: “Fat one…90210…”
Pigalina: “Erm, Ian Ziering?….”
MP: “No”
P (thinking of any 90s TV show – which by the way she was not allowed to watch due to Mummy Pigalina’s strict TV policy – if it looked like fornication then Pigalina was not watching it! (This included sitcom Friends)): “Party of Five?… Dawson’s Creek?…”
MP: “Noooo, looks like they live in a Hollywood hotel, except it’s not a hotel.”
P: “Melrose Place!”
MP: “YES!”
P: “Desperate Housewives? [Brie] Heather Locklear?”. (We were trying to guess a man so who knows what’s going on here?…)
MP: “No, not Brie, not Heather Locklear, Melrose Place!”
P: “I never watched Melrose Place!”
MP: “OK, so in this (The Goldbergs) they are using the same house they used on Alf.”
P: “Did they?!”
MP: “I dunno, probably. So you’ve got the fat one, married to hot one off Melrose Place.”
P: “She (mum off Goldbergs)’s not off Melrose Place!”
MP: “No, that’s what I’m trying to think of! That show…”
P: “So not what we’re watching?”
MP: “Noooo, irrelevant – In Melrose Place she’s dating baby face guy…I think his name was Shaun…”
P: [Illegible]
MP: “No, think of a show in the Alf house, probably the same house as Tim Allen – not “Tool Time”. Y’know, help me out.”
P: “OK. Alf.”
MP: “So, they’re off a show where we’ve always said the guy that looks like he’s from Blues Brothers would never be married to that lady…”
P: “According to Jim!”
MP: “The brother!”
P: “The blonde one!”
MP: “Yeah, fat blonde one. Sounds like him…”
P: “I’m gonna IMDB it.”
MP: “DO IT!”
P: “Narrator!… Patton Oswalt…”
MP: “I dunno who that is!”
P: “Umm…”
MP: “Show me a pic… Not the guy I was thinking of.”